We all have doubts at some time or other. They can hit hard, sometimes making it seem that all is lost.
Fearful of what lays behind those doubts, we try to hide them away in the farthest reaches of our mind. When we are successful we feel a moment’s relief. But those doubts are still there, festering, growing into a malignancy that reaches out, shovel in hand, in what seems an all out effort to end us. And so we (I), turn inward for that conversation that I know must happen. I share this because I know that I am not alone in my doubt. I share this hoping that those in need will take some comfort knowing that they, too, are not alone. I share this because I know there are answers and that there is love and comfort to be had by all.
When I have doubt, I write. I ask questions, pouring my vulnerability out on paper. It’s just me there with my thoughts of self-doubt, lack and of feeling lost. But then a conversation begins and the resonance of my worth is shown to me. If this causes you to pause and reflect, if this causes you to turn inward in your search for truth then I am successful. If not, perhaps your truth lies on another path and I wish you well in your travels.
These are my questions and the answers that became a part of my being.
Q: “Oh God, how fearful I am that I will disappoint thee. How fearful I am that I will disappoint myself and all those who depend on me for their needs on this physical plane. Take my by the hand and guide me, loudly that I, in my stubbornness and Distractable frailty may hear your words. Leave no doubt in your wants and needs with me for I know that I must be here for a reason other than to just be.”
“You have shown me so much in this life. I feel that I was excited to begin this adventure but now I fear that I have failed you and myself in my reason for being. More than half of my aloted time has passed and I have yet to understand. I am not sure that I even understand what it is that I am supposed to understand. There are so many questions. Will you answer them for me?”
A: “Most of them”
Q: “Why not all of them?”
A: “That is our agreement”
Q: “What agreement?”
A: “That you shall live in the moment, in this physical plane called Earth, and you shall experience this reality. You shall meet many others like yourself and acknowledge the “God” within them. You shall help them to experience the “God” that they know to be within but which they have forgotten. You will help to bring them back to me that they should finish what they have come to this life to accomplish and bring them back to their source for the rest of eternity to experience.
That you shall love me as I love you. We are one, you and I and you shall remember this.”
Q: “I will try but it is difficult when there is so much keeping me from those memories of you. In particular is this part of me that seems intent on keeping me from remembering that which you say I truly am.”
A: “This is Ego. But I did not create the Ego to keep from being remembered. Ego is a result of our agreement that you shall have free choice. For if you knew and understood the complete truth of who you are there would be no reason for this moment called Earth or Physical Existence. Your life is eternal.”
Q: “Please then, tell me who I am.”
A “You are life eternal. You are called by many names as I am called by many names. That is because we are one, you and I.”
Q: “What does that mean, that you and I are one?”
A: “There is only the One, and that is what you call God. And if there is only God, then it stands to reason that you are part of God.”
Q: “Does that go for everyone and everything?”
A: “Do you remember earlier in this moment when your perception was through younger eyes, that you were told that God is everywhere?”
A: “Do you remember being told that God is also in everything?”
A: “That is the truth of existence. I am everywhere and in everything, including you. Do you also remember being taught that God created everything?”
A: “If God is in everyone and in everything and if God is all there is and if God created everything, where do you suppose all of this stuff came from?”
A: “That is correct. Now let me ask you a question.”
Q: “Really? You’re asking me a question?”
A: “Yes: Is it really so hard to believe that if God is all there is and if God created everything, that you are part of God?”
Q: “Well, aside from thousands of years of being taught that we are creations of God and that our sole purpose is to pray to and revere and worship God, it does kind of make sense.”
A: “The part of you that questions is Ego and we have already discussed that. Still, it bears repeating that Ego was created to allow you choice. The vast majority of you have chosen to allow Ego to emotionally set you apart from who you really are. Without Ego, however, you would not experience the physical world. You would see through the veil of this existence and simply remain in the vibrational state from whence you came.”
Q: “Oh boy, did you open up a lot of things to talk about.”
A: “Go ahead. It is time that this was all explained. And as to your question of whether to share this conversation, yes. Those who read it will hear what they need to hear. Those who are not yet ready will think this the ravings of a madman. Either way, when you knock the door shall be open as it always has and always will.”
Q: “Thanks. And thank you for letting me know that God has a sense of humor.”
A: “Do you have a sense of humor?”
Q: “Yes, and it is a good one.”
A: “Who do you think gave it to you?”
A: “Actually, if we go back to the central question, which I have already answered, you did. I know that may seem confusing but I think you have progressed to where you can understand the concept. If you analyze it further, which I will do for you in a moment, it should become clear. Let’s start with some basics that you are familiar with: 1. There is only God and God is all there is. 2. God created everything and is everywhere. So, using simple math (to put it in physical terms) God + God = God, and God is all there is, and you were created by God. Therefore you are part of the “all there is” which is God. If you are part of the “all there is” and if “all there is God, then you are part of God. Chew on that for a bit and when you are ready we can move on to the next question.”